Why Women don't get promoted, elected or succeed?
It has taken me 48 years in the work force to figure this out. Apologies to my beleaguered husband but he is catalyst for my discovery.
After the grocery last night, he announced he had brought the groceries in and put the van back the way it was. This is probably how my cap fell off because for 49 years, this has caused a teeth grinding episode. I know he brought the groceries in because I put them away. If he didn't bring a bag in, I would be out there looking for it. And then I thought, I am grabbing this bull by the horns and flipping the thing. Why is he doing this? Why do men do this?
So I asked him very politely is he would have told me he brought the groceries in if I were another man and his answer was probably.
Then I realized this is a communications problem, big one. Men communicate differently from women about the same things.
As a kid, if I had announced I brought the groceries in, the reply would have been, “Do you want a medal or a Wilkie button?” Both items are useless in the real world. If I had been male, I would have been thanked but women are given jobs to do and taught to do them and shut up no one wants to know about it. The result is we do not talk about what we do. Men, on the other hand, are encouraged to tout not their successes, but anything they do.
So how does this affect women?
For one thing, we spend our lives feeling unappreciated because we never get any thanks for the things we do because no one knows we do them.
Take my professional life for instance. When asked about my week, by my boss, I would say X therapy was proving effective and perhaps add an anecdote about a patient. The male in the position would rattle off he did X hypnosis sessions, X hours of biofeedback, washed so many electrodes and saw X people. Even though I did more, he looks like he did more. So when give out the raises time occurs, the doctor knows what therapy I think is best and something about a few patients but the MAN has done all this work every week. Guess who gets the raise?
Women think is terms of finishing the global job and resting. Men break the job down into tiny work that they did. Women succeed and men do work. The problem is no one sees the success of cleaning the toilet, mopping the floor or spending a hour chopping veggies to make the dish. They just see the Chef prancing out with a huge bowl of veggies he boiled for 15 minutes and slapped some butter on. Guess who makes the most money?
It is the same thing in politics. Women focus of the goals and men focus on everything they did even if they only sat at the table at the meeting. If a woman doesn't directly participate she doesn't list things. For a man, he just has to be in the room, or walking through the room, to claim part of the credit.
What did you do all day? I took care of the kids, did the washing and fixed dinner.
Male version: I got each child out of bed, cooked 3 dishes for breakfast and then washed 3 dishes, put clothes on 2 kids, did three loads of laundry, one white, one cold water and one dark colors while placing detergent in the washer and drier sheets in each load I dried. One load took a full hour to dry. Then took out the pans, chopped the carrots and chopped the celery before putting them in the pot with peas I had defrosted..........getting the picture, yet?
Men are used to getting information this way. I took care of the kids doesn't process in their brain. It is too vague so it goes right out the other ear. You will hand the boss a report. The man will find the paper, write the report, print the report out, find a binder, put it in the binder and hand it to the boss, on time. Now who do you think will get credit for that report, you or him?
I wish I had understood this 50 years ago. I would gotten a lot further in business and life because the person most often handing out the money are male. Rather than having the job done by the end of day, I should have explained that gathering the information would take 3 hours, assembling it another 2 hours, typing it up an hour, printing it out.....and I might have it done by lunch tomorrow. I would be running the country right now.
And one last thing, fellows. We do not find your bowel movements fascinating. Please stop talking.