The First and Only Pagan Prosperity Ministry

As I scroll Facebook all I seem to see is this  and that minister, most of which seem to be wearing ill fitting human skin suits, declaring the God said to kill, maim, vote for or sent money to them. Oddly, I never see a pagan saying this, You see, once upon a time, a Viking got the great idea that he would tell the tribe his God told him to get extra mead at the next meal.
He stepped into the center the of the village and proclaimed, "Last night Thor told me...."
There was loud clap of thunder, a blinding flash of lightning and all that remained in the center of the  village was a small pile of ashes.
A thundering voice proclaimed, "If I want you to know something, I'll tell you. Now leave me alone."
And that was the first and last Pagan Prosperity Ministry.
Now, have you ever wondered why your God seems to speak through crazy old men and women with dreams of jello cities? Perhaps it's just psychosis and your gullibility.
As for me, I can figure things out for myself without any God's help. I am a smart, responsible human being and I am designed to solve problems. So are you, by the way.