Happy New Year.....Just kidding.
I mean, who out there actually expects any change in the coming year? Be honest, because I have to be honest with myself for a change.
I wonder how many of you are in the same boat I am.
I awaken with a lot of hope and plans. I even started the day with my handy dandy little list of to do. Laundry was on the top of it and I even managed to get it in the machine before the day did a quick slide from happy and productive to I can't do anything that measures up to anyone's standards.
I had a thought for a happy new year's celebration. Trash that. What's the point? This is the exact day from last year this time, from 30 years ago this time..40 years...Why bother?
Why do we bother? Get a bottle, take it home and get drunk. Wake up with a headache, money in your pocket since you didn't spend it on some stupid club or party and throw up a few times. That pretty much describes your coming year like it has every past year. No, it is not going to get better. Why fool ourselves?
Is it because the TV tells us things will get better if we just spend too much on an outfit we will never wear again, drink too much and freeze our asses off in some square with a thousand other idiots watching a ball drop. I mean what are we, cats chasing a red dot down a clock? If we just resolve to be thinner, exercise, eat right and think positive thoughts the world will be a nicer place and don't forget your nightly dose of war, famine, pain and suffering from the foxes, a boss on a power trip to see everyone slaving unhappily away, the knife in your back and a mate you can never please. Oh yes, things are going to get better.
You see the problem is you can only change yourself and no one around you is interested in change in any manner. My professor used to say the world is divided up between watchdogs and retrievers. When you send a retriever out you can never really be sure what it will bring back. It might the duck you think you shot or it might just a dead skunk. However, you can always be sure that if anything changes just a tiny bit in its surroundings, your watchdog will bark its head off and try to kill it. Unfortunately, watchdogs outnumber retrievers about a thousand to one. If you are reading this, you are probably a retriever in a houseful of watchdogs.
After the week I've had, the pain is now localized to the area the 50 pound queen storage headboard whacked my head, you are not in a good mood. You are in an even worse one when you realize your first impression that someone was really wishing you dead is fact when you are outside and you hear that familiar sliding sound. Unfortunately, my reflexes are fast and well trained. I stepped to the side before I knew what I was doing and there were two heavy fatigue mats that have been in the same place for a month, sliding right into where my head was. I say unfortunately because they were too light to kill me and they didn't.
You see, I am sick and tired of the hate. I am sick and tired of never measuring up to anyone's standards. I am sick and tired of the constant grumbling. I am sick and tired of trying. There are some people you can never please. Everything elicits a negative response, no matter what it is: gifts, a touch and word of praise. Every time you feel happy, have a plan or idea or just want to share something that brought you a smile, they have a negative response. They are watchdogs. They bark, growl and attack. It is all they know and they rule the world. They have been ruling for thousands of years with hate and fear and they are not giving up the position now. They have staked their little spot out in the world, expanded it and they are keeping it until they die.
Trust me, it will be easier for the retrieves to die than change anything, have any happiness or manage to make any small spot in the world better. Just let them kill each other. In the end, maybe there will be just one happy little watchdog left that will have to commit suicide because it has nothing left to do and happy is change.