Forecast and Faery Finder
Conned by the Cats
By Janice Scott-Reeder and the Bitwit
According to Llewellyn’s Magical Almanac, today’s color is orange and the incense is eucalyptus.
Today is Palm Sunday.
Astrologically, this is not a day for financial matters, expanding much of anything and in the evening, communications are irritating.
Today’s Lo Shu Number is 2 and the Element is Fire. The Sheep finds conflict but the Monkey has ease. Today is an auspicious day for signing contracts, gambling, starting construction and births, but not for haircuts.
COMMENTARIES BY JANICE SCOTT-REEDER
I have been so very sick with the flu that the doctor sent me home to get in bed and STAY THERE! I had the procedures last Thursday, week ago, and was feeling so bad I slept all of Sunday. I figured I had kicked it Monday and went to the Dentist and Physical Therapy (that man is a miracle worker!). I was feeling really tired and started coughing. The coughing went from bad to really, really, really bad . By Tuesday I was running 101.9 fever, coughing uncontrollably and George didn’t hear me tell him to take me to the doctor and left for work. By Wednesday, I was somewhat recovered and nixed the doctor. I managed to eat half a bowl of potato soup and laid down.
I awoke thinking there was a horrible chemical spill somewhere. It was the most horrible odor I have ever smelled, something like rancid iodine if iodine could go rancid. A couple of minutes later, I realized I couldn’t run from it, it was me! It was in my sinuses, mouth, throat, even permeating my lips. I washed my teeth, tongue, everything in my mouth and my face. I gargled with two different mouth washes. I used the water pic. It was all I could smell. Then it started coming in waves instead of being constant giving me at least a minute‘s respite. I had George bring me Vick’s vapor rub which, for those of you who don’t know, a few globs on your nose will even help cover the odor dead bodies. No dice, folks, the odor was here to stay. Thursday morning, I told George there was no way I could live like this, take me to the doctor. Since I needed a follow up on the procedure, we called my doctor. He was in surgery so I got the doctor I was originally supposed to see. He was certain this was not coming from my stomach, but had no idea what was wrong with me. In I go for blood tests. No that’s not quiet right. Reluctantly, I was drug in for blood tests with the nurse assuring me she could not only find a vein but I would feel nothing. She took one look at my hand, a Picasso of black, blue and bright red and still swollen, (this is a week later), my wrists: black and blue, my other hand with a bruise and my main vein still black and blue and muttered there was no excuse for this. She got out a butterfly. For those of you who do not know what that is, it is a needle with two little plastic wings on it attached to a flexible tube. She popped that into my vein and was drawing blood. The first hint I had it happened was when I saw the vial filling. The nice thing about this is, when she changes the vials, because the tubing is flexible and six inches away from your vein and the needle, you feel nothing, no movement, nothing! I do not know why everyone doesn’t use this except that it takes maybe 15 seconds longer to fill the tube. I swear I am buying some and taking them with me, just like I tend to carry the paper tape with me when I am having blood drawn. I almost kissed her. She gave me instructions to stop water, because it makes you nauseous, and switch to ginger ale and eat jello. (I’m getting to the cats today.)
Meanwhile, I am carrying the jar of Vicks with me as it is the only thing I can actually smell except this odor, though it doesn’t cover it at all. We stopped at Western Meats so George could pick up ginger ale and jello. Now you know how frequently I eat those things. While I was dying in the parking lot, I was not paying attention and suddenly the light shifted and the van filled with sunlight. Sunlight makes me sneeze! I started sneezing uncontrollably. Suddenly, I had to blow my nose and fortunately I had the entire hand full of tissues I was using to cover my mouth when I coughed because I have never had so much horrible green stuff come out of my nose. I know my sinuses can hold that much, but it is shocking anyway. The odor stopped! It was almost completely gone. One more sneeze and nose blow when I got home, and knock on wood, it was totally gone. Now I know why one of the nurses had to leave the OR when Dr. Redd cut my septums out so my sinuses could drain for the first time in my life. I thought it was because it was so gross. It was the odor! I was born with my nose completely closed off and no one ever checked or knew. They just kept saying my sinus infections were my imagination. Anyway, next week I get an appointment with the ENT and get my sinuses vacuumed like Dr. Redd used to do once a month since now I understand why. Getting to the cats…..
After watching the Dr. Oz show, today I went into the fridge and began a massive tossing of condiments. My fridge is really, really deep and things I found in the back when I was sitting on the floor shocked me. Wow…do I have plenty of room on that shelf and in the door, now! Two more shelves to go! I did not know ketchup goes bad in two months and mustard in 8. It’s been that long since I bought some, so it all hit the garbage can. Next….
I was awakened at 6:45 this morning by Fiona kissing my nose. I managed to crack one eyelid to discover Napoleon was on the pillow over my head staring intently at me. I closed my eyes, Fiona kissed me again and batted my nose and the memory of that cartoon on the internet with cat trying to wake the owner up flashed through my mind. Did that involve a baseball bat or a chain saw and did I have either one in the bedroom? I opened my eyes and both cats were staring intently and oh so worried at me, I panicked and thought something really was wrong. So I drug myself out of bed and discovered the house was not on fire, no bombs had exploded but something far worse had happened; the dry feeder was empty. I started back to bed, when Napoleon, Fiona, Purrbie and Prescious surrounded the feeder, each one took a single piece of kibble in their mouth, as there were only four pieces left, and looked up at me like they were starving. So, I found the huge bag of cat food and filled the feeder, coughing up a lung at the time. I cannot bend over and breathe. I was starting back to bed when Ebony gave me the starvation is setting in and I am an elderly disabled cat routine. I looked around into a sea of starving little faces (it seemed that way) and noticed every cat dish was empty. I could not see a container that George uses for the homemade cat food anywhere and the thought was inserted into my brain that since George was so tired last night, he never got up and fed them. I checked the fridge and didn’t see any homemade cat food (just remedied that by cleaning it out). So I shuffled into the living room where the case of cat food resides. Out runs Polecat screaming for food. Rusty is claiming he was put in the cage and not fed. So I gathered up 5 cans, got everyone fed and returned to bed intent upon napping until 9:30 AM. I awoke at 8:30 thinking the house was falling down. The cats were on a rampage and the only solution to that, and still having anything left in one piece, is to get out there and stop the running, leaping, throwing themselves at each other marathon. So, out I come.
I figured I’d really clean the coffee pot this morning and try out the sample of coffee I got in the Sunday paper a while back. First I had to wash George’s soup bowl from last night and that was when I found it; hidden under the soup bowl, where I couldn’t see it with one eye barely open, was the homemade cat food container! They had been fed! They conned me! They played me like a cheap violin! They planned it! They knew exactly what they were doing! They worked together! That is the last time they are pulling that one. I blame Prescious for corrupting my sweet little Fiona though I think Napoleon may be the ring leader…….
George just told me to get back into bed, that I was trying to over do it again. It is such a pretty day and I have so much laundry……