Forecast and Faery Finder
How to kill yourself with a Memory Foam Mattress Topper
By Janice Scott-Reeder and the Bitwit
According to Llewellyn’s Spell-a-Day Almanac, today’s color is Yellow and the incense is Almond.
Deck: Navigators Tarot of the Mystic Sea.
Today’s Tarot Card is the Magian: encapsulation. You superior abilities of perception can be used for helping people or for tricking them.
Astrological Source: Llewellyn’s 2009 Daily Planetary Guide.
The Moon enters Leo at 5:23 AM EST.
For a couple of days there will be cross words if you invade other people’s space or quote them without credit.
You may not want to venture out in the morning because of limitations but you miss a good time if you succumb to these feelings. Just don’t try to make any changes. Go with the flow. Energy will gradually increase today so get out of bed.
Deck: Healing with the Fairies.
The Faeries say:
You are feeling sexy today.
Today’s Cat Comfort Card is :
Catkin: “Think about all the positive qualities you’ve inherited from your family.”
Deck: The Fairies’ Oracle by Brian Froud & Jessica MacBeth
Today’s Faery Finder is on the lookout for:
Honesty is about and what a sweet Fae he is. He believes you. He believes in you. He innocence personified and that is why you must careful with him. He will allow you to totally delude yourself.
Today’s Lo Shu Number is 7 and the Element is Fire. The Boar finds conflict today but the Dog has ease. Today is not an auspicious day for haircuts, writing, gambling, construction or births.
Today’s Message from the Universe is: “Negativity now vanishes completely from my life. Nothing can threaten me anymore, as I am protected by the light of my Higher Self. I am safe and everything turns out right.” Annie Marquier creating a world of peace one thought at a time.
COMMENTARIES BY JANICE SCOTT-REEDER
Fiona feels she has found the perfect place. It is just Fiona wide, protected on three sides and gives her a view of the bathroom. This perfect place is behind the door.
I do not know why I do these things. I really don’t. I decided today was the perfect day to put the mattress topper on the bed. That was almost the famous last words for my tombstone. The doctor told me not to do anything strenuous but how hard could it be? It is one of those memory foam toppers that weighs a ton. Fortunately, I have a twin bed. For those of you who do not, the first instruction is to unroll the topper on a flat surface that is not your bed. Sure, and where would that surface be if you have a king sized bed? They even give you cute little pictures with arrows. Is there anyone out that when face with a rolled up cylinder actually attempts to unroll it from the ends? I mean, that is impossible. You can only unroll it in one direction but I have a diagram to explain that just in case I normally do the impossible.
I used my bed because there is no flat surface that big anywhere else. It sat there and did nothing for a half hour, so I opened it up and let it naturally fall down and it promptly folded itself up. I unfolded it and crammed the paper stuff it arrives wrapped in into the folds and waited an hour. I returned to find it forming a long U. Obviously this is not an hour job. Off I went to play computer games and returned an hour later to find it mostly flat, but, it is wrapped in something akin to pastry paper if you know what that is. Now I have to remove the paper from a topper that has gorging on pastries while it lay there. The thing had gained weight. I am positive it had gained weight. Five minutes later, I managed to get it off of its protective paper cover and discovered I now have a huge piece of paper. Well, who cares, I am putting its stupid cover on it. I don’t care if the edges are curled up. It turned out when I read the instructions that was normal.
They come with a cover, but you have no idea what kind until you open it. The instructions cover all contingencies unfortunately at the same time rather than consecutively like normal people. I just know the instructions were written by a man. If a woman had written them the first line would have read: either find a young muscle bound stud or return this thing to the store where you stupidly bought it.
That is when you find out why the mattress is supposed to be peacefully resting elsewhere. You have to lay the cover on the bed, move the topper to the bed and then zip it up in the cover. My cover was fitted and there was no where to take the topper so I practiced my suicide mattress flipping Kung Po (Kung Fu actually works; Kung Po ends with you flat on the floor.) to get it under the topper and over the mattress and then over the topper and lastly, zipped up on three sides. You know how foam hates to be zipped up in anything. It will ooze and fight you to the last molecule swelling up like a puffer fish and just as mean. A little hint from an idiot; never place your bed where you cannot get to all four sides. You cannot lift the corner of a mattress while you are on your knees on top of it no matter how little you weigh. Finally it was on, zipped up and I was sweating. I cannot remove the bandage from my operation and now there was salt under it. YEOOOOWWW!!!!!!
I survived that after almost passing out from the pain and went out to sit for a while incase said topper from Hades decided it wanted to do anything else. While enjoying my seatedness and the pretty little lights flickering in front of my eyes, who needs a light show, the cats managed to open my bedroom door. I returned twenty minutes later to find everything on the bed, including the cats who were luxuriating on the new topper like the cats they are. The cover now had books, make up and my little package of sample threads. Another few minutes of work and this time I made the bed before any other disasters befell it. The package of sample thread spools is two thirds full and I am certain I shall find the rest when I am walking down the hallway in the middle of the night. Then, I once again experienced the joy of salt in an almost open wound. Is there a disco ball in here? I am certain the cover is not water and claw proof so it had to have additional protection from the feline contingency that rules the house.
What is it like? Well, have you ever had a feather bed? That is what it is like. I, being deathly allergic to feathers, cannot have a feather bed. Are they expensive? I have a twin bed and BJ’s had a twenty five dollars off sale one day and I got mine fairly cheaply. However, any other size and they are expensive. Are they worth it? Me thinks so but I like a soft bed. If you like a hard bed, you probably shouldn’t invest in one. Should I try the memory foam pillow to see if I like the stuff. Absolutely not. I took mine back and the gal at the counter pointed to a whole stack of them and said they were the most returned item. It was like sleeping on a sand bag or a brick. She had no idea why they continued to sell them. They are nothing like the mattress topper. Would I buy the mattress? Yeah, if I was rich. Having eliminated that possibility, I will stick to a cheap twin bed and never remove the topper.
Before I decided on this suicide run, I found the cat on my towel. I had to wash it because anything touching my forehead needs to be semi sterile. In a fit of total insanity or stupidity, I also decided to wash the covers on my foam wedges. George actually had to get two of them off for me. I managed to put them back on and then realized I might have pulled the wound apart doing that and panicked. I didn’t. All I need is a visit to the ER for my insurance company to consider me a total loss. Anyway, I have the bed back to rights, the wedges are zipped together and wrapped in the cover the topper came in, I am too tired to insert them under the covers and the cats are banished. Just another day in the cat house. Oops, did I say banished. It seems there is Mac of some persuasion asleep right in front of me that I wouldn’t have noticed if an ear had not twitched. I am too tired to find out who.